Fertility Journey

Loss, infertility, and pregnancy....the last several years have run the gambit.

When Hubby and I married on April 17, 2004, we had a plan.  We knew best.....or so we thought.  We planned on waiting two years, then having 3-5, maybe 6 kids, each 2-3 years apart.  Thank God we don't always get what we want.  Had we not left room for God, we would have perhaps gone through our infertility struggles without the great blessing our oldest child.

On July 1, 2005, we welcomed our first child, Little Bean, via c-section due to frank breech presentation.  It was a difficult recovery, and she was a difficult baby.  I wasn't sure I would ever be ready to have another child, but after a year, we became open to that possibility.

While we were open, we experienced unexplained secondary infertility.  Nothing was wrong, it just wasn't happening...my doctor described it at one point as not infertile but subfertile.  So we struggled, we waited, we were angry, sad, patient, impatient, content and hurried by turns.  Slowly, as I look back, I can see God sanding down the rough edges and creating a person more prepared for the next task.

On March 1, 2010, I suffered a ruptured ectopic and our child Mara Celand was born into eternal life.  That loss broke my heart in a way I didn't even know it could be broken.  After so much disappointment and so many months of trying to no avail, there was one day of joy when I discovered I was pregnant, followed by testing and eventually the rupture.  It took months to heal physically, and my body and heart still bear the scars of that time in our lives.

Following the loss of Mara, I felt strongly called to fostering.  Hubby and I became licensed foster parents in April 2011.  While we were going through the licensing process (which took about a year), I tried nine months of Clomid (a hormone to increase/produce ovulation) without success.

On July 18, 2011, after just completing my ninth hormonal month of Clomid, we welcomed our foster daughter Sweet Baby into our home at two days old.   Let it not be said God has no sense of humor.

When SB was 4 weeks old, we discovered we were expecting another child.  Hopeful and anxious at once, we began ultrasounds, hormone-level testing, hormone shots and a battery of other things to keep hope growing.

On June 6, 2012, one week overdue, we welcomed Sweet Pea via an induced v-bac.  My doctor told me it was one of the smoothest she'd ever seen, and I credit that to the many prayer warriors who lifted us up throughout my infertility, pregnancy and on that day.

In 2014, I began seeing a Creighton trained physician who uncovered hormone imbalances.  Now, part of my monthly routine includes hormone injections with the hopes that someday my fertility will be healed.

Now, with SB gone, we have our two bio-daughters.  It's not quite the picture that I thought it would nine years in, but God has blessed us richly and I'm learning, slowly, so slowly, to trust Him with my fertility. 





  1. Blessings on all of you as you continue to seek and embrace God's will for your family. As you write so well, it's not our plan (no matter how well we've thought it all out). I found your blog through the comment you left on mine. I will keep you in my payers. Sub-fertility isn't as loney as infertility, but it was heart breaking for us.

    1. Thanks so much for the prayers. I was glad to find your blog as well. It's been a long, slow process of learning to "let go and let God".


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