Thursday, May 31, 2012

In the Garden....

I'm impatient.  I also have a tendency to complain.  A lot.  This adds up as the perfect storm for some real whining when the baby you've tried for and have been waiting on for nearly six years stays in past her due date.  I mean really, that extra five years of trying wasn't enough of a wait? But seriously, I've been thinking about my tendency to whine and how this could be a really miserable time right now.  I will probably not be able to hold back all sarcastic, "you better get out of there baby" comments, but I am working to be a pleasant person this week as we wait on the LONG-awaited daughter. 

The first conscious effort is trying to offer up this anxious waiting for all of those I know in need of prayer - for the woman fighting inoperable cancer, the family navigating the mental illness of a child, the friend with a very risky pregnancy, the couple desperately longing for a child.....for all of these people I can offer up my small amount of suffering. 

Reflecting on how to offer up my waiting for others, it got me thinking about lots of examples of people who have had harder waits than mine.  Maybe the most universally known is Jesus in the Garden.  When I feel the temptation towards self-pity, I think about the vigil of desperate as to sweat blood and all alone as those he trusted the most and was closest to fell asleep around him.  How blessed I am that I don't wait alone.  While I might be the only one going through the labor part, so many stand beside me physically, spiritually and emotionally as I await this baby. 

At 36 weeks, we started having some concerns about baby's growth.  A couple weeks later, the fluid levels had dropped around baby and she still wasn't growing very fast.  I reached out to my friends and family for prayer.  Over the next couple of days, I physically felt the grace of those around me praying for us.  I felt peace and surety in the midst of such uncertainty. 

Last week, I had an ultrasound that showed fluid levels had stabilized and increased slightly, baby was growing well and the pregnancy could progress without an emergency c-section.  This Wednesday marked 40 weeks.  I feel her grow stronger and more responsive by the day.  While I'm anxious to have her out, I realize the blessing that she was able to stay in and grow thus far.

Next Wednesday, we will try an induction.  The doctor isn't going to force baby to be born, just going to give me low levels of hormone to try to get the party started.  If it doesn't work, I'll go home, get some rest and try again in a few days.  Of course, I hope that baby comes before we're on to synthetic starts, but I'm making my peace with the extra wait and hoping that the induction is successful the first time, should it go that far.

In addition to offering up my wait (when I'm able to stop feeling sorry for myself!), I'm making an active effort to soak up some time with my two girls that are at home right now.  Lots of extra snuggles with SB and even a park day with LB.  I used my new Mother's Day/birthday camera to take a few pictures.  I can share the ones of LB, so here you go =D

I'll keep you posted and look forward to posting baby pics very soon!  Prayers always welcome!

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