Then, I went into a full out Anne of Green Gables depths of despair day on Friday. Complete with self-pity, marathon knitting and TV watching, and the bare minimum of household chores. I didn't shower, the kids and I ate junk food, and I generally moped all day.
|Knitting many many washcloths|
|Knitting many many Outlander cowls|
|A day of pajamas and weird selfies|
When Hubby left for work, I was tearfully telling him we were millimeters away from getting a puppy. I was still mopey at dinner, but Hubby sweetly brought the girls and I pizza.
But, the trick for me is not letting it go to the second day. Saturday morning, I got up and went to the gym and ran some errands. I got more done before 10am than I had the entire previous day. I also killed it at the gym. I took all the anger/frustration/sadness of this long limbo out on that workout.
|A PR on the 2,000 meter row|
I didn't know how much anger I had until it came rushing out. It was a bit of a revelation. Physically spent, anger spent, I returned home to get back to life. Because it's so easy to miss out of life when you're busy looking at what you want instead of what you have.
Then, I went to Mass on Sunday and one line in the homily stuck with me: Being a saint is about letting go of what you want and trusting that God has something better. The real zinger is the homilist was my dad the deacon (see Dad, I was listening!) :)
I've been thinking about that. Thinking about what I have and what I want. What I've wanted for many many years.
I've wanted children close together in age, I thought by now I'd have about five, at least. I don't. LB will never have a sibling close in age. I hope that maybe someday if she's called to marriage, she'll have a sister-in-law who becomes a best friend, like my SIL who is an only child is my best friend.
Maybe SP will still have a sibling close-ish...we've passed the "close" mark with her third birthday four months away and no sibling on the horizon.
But here's the deal, here's the point of everything, in order to be a saint, I need to let go and let God. Cliches become cliches for a reason.
This week, I'm trying to be more aware of the blessings around me. I am trying to cultivate a spirit of gratitude. I am trying to stop looking at what I don't have and look around me. Take the blinders off and look at this beautiful life I have.
|Playing at the gym|
|Taking in a movie|
|Goofing around at the museum|
|This morning :)|
I'm taking gratitude one morning at a time.