Saturday, July 16, 2016

Today You Are Five

Today, Sweet Baby turns five. I thought I would be buying her kindergarten uniform, brand new crayons, a backpack with matching lunch box, her favorite toys, a new bike.  But, I'm not.

We haven't seen our sweet girl in two years. It's now been as long without her as we had with her.  How could it be? A lifetime ago and the blink of an eye. 

Today will be one of the hard days. But, two and a half years later, the hard days are further apart and fewer.  On Tuesday, I cried in the shower. I cried for our broken world and a broken foster care system. I cried for her father's choice to cut us out of her life six months after she transitioned to him. But mostly I cried because I want to hug her, see her, hold her. Tell her that I never stopped loving her. 

Never. Yesterday, today and forever. 

I dream of a day I will see her again. A day where I give her the precious baby clothes she wore that I've saved. Where I can show her the photo albums from her earliest days with us. Show her that her picture hangs on our wall. 

Because she is a part of our story, as much as we are a part of hers. 

The gift of time is slowly learning that there is still more story. Our lives have more chapters to be written. For so long, I lingered on the final pages with her. 

Today, I honor her birthday by living fully in this new chapter. In this new home, leaving behind the little house where we shared our lives with her. 

Moving on to new adventures and dreams. All the while, thanking God for the 5 lb little miracle that came into our lives five years ago. 

Happy birthday sweet girl. I love you.

4 comments:

  1. Praying for all of you, Annie! You're a wonderful mother.

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  2. Surely it is heart breaking knowing that is her birthday and not being able to be together. Nothing will take away the love and care that you and your family provided to her when she was a baby. You will always be able to hold her close to you in prayer and in your loving heart. It is time to honor her birthday living fully this new chapter of your life. God bless and big hugs.

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  3. Hearing your story at Finding Your Fiat Conference was so inspiring. I pray you get to see her again one day and she learns how deeply she was loved in the early years of her life. ((hugs))

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  4. Oh my goodness, this post touched my heart deeply. Prayers, friend!

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