God is so good. So. Good. After 7....that's right SEVEN years, I have an answer.
There is a problem. It's not just in my head, it's not just stress, I don't just need to relax and it'll happen.
Last month, I did a complete hormone profile by having my blood drawn every other day for a couple weeks. Turns out, I have fantastic estrogen. Like, twinsies levels of estrogen. So, why am I not up to my ears in babies?
My levels are about a third of what they should be. There's just not anything going on there. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. That hormone that supports pregnancy? Not there. That hormone that protects against risk of breast cancer? Not there. That hormone oh-so-necessary for normal, healthy weight loss? Not there! That hormone that helps prevent ectopics? NOT THERE!
I got off the phone and cried tears of joy. I'm going to start injections timed to my cycle to correct my hormones.
That sliver of hope I had left in my soul just experienced a dramatic increase. The stone has been rolled away. I am an Easter person and Hallelujah is my song!
There are no guarantees, that's not the way life works. But it looks good. It looks really good. My Lent is ending and Easter is coming.
Through all the dark moments of infertility, God has been good. Through all the heartache and pain over losing SB, God has been good. In this moment, I am overwhelmed by the blessing of knowing. I am overwhelmed by the joy at the prospect of this happening again:
It's fitting that this happened during Infertility Awareness Week.
My hope has been renewed. I am profoundly grateful for the modern medicine that can find these answers. I am profoundly grateful to a friend who had the courage to hand me a book that started me on a journey towards learning Creighton and seeking out a NaPro doctor. I am also grateful said friend (who has a background in nursing) has also agreed to help me figure out giving myself the shot if I can't figure it out (the doctor said it should be intuitive, but we shall see).
Happy Easter. He has risen. Alleluia. Alleluia. He has risen.
As I begin routine injections, my prayers will remain, as always, with those who are expecting, those who are struggling with infertility, and those who are overwhelmed by the gift of their fertility. May God bless you this Easter season.