{Simple Saturday} My Walking Baby

Linking up with Iris at County Girls' Daybook

 


I love my girls.  They're silly and sweet, and they're constantly growing and changing.  This week, SP is a full-fledged walker.  She has reached the tipping point, more walking than crawling and I think it'll be full speed ahead from here.

She's a blur of motion, carrying a can from the recycling pile

1.  LB is a great big sister.  2.  I really need to return this sling I borrowed.  3.  I love SP's complete adoration of LB in this pic!

So keeping it simple, there are my happy little people, being silly and growing up so fast.

Theme Thursdays: Rooms

Linking up with Clan Donaldson again.

This week's Theme Thursday is Rooms.  For anyone who wants to follow along, here are the upcoming themes:

I decided to use my kitchen.  My kitchen is a multi-purpose room that is NEVER fully clean.  There's too much stuff crammed into that tiny space.  In fact, once we finish fixing up our attic (the current in a list of home renovations), the kitchen will be the next target to tackle.

We need more cabinets, we need a dishwasher, the list goes on....actually, we don't NEED any of those things, or we wouldn't have survived the last 7 years here.

As I was discussing with my mother a few days ago, we NEED much less than we think.  Still, I'm looking forward to a few more cabinets and a dishwasher.  In the meantime, for your viewing pleasure, my kitchen:

Note the two wall colors - in the middle of painting this room gray/blue - and pile of stuff on top of the fridge (that will go in a cupboard - once I get a cupboard up there!)

Poptarts, cookbook, other sundry belongings....looks about right

Still an absolutely functional space

Making delicious blueberry lime jam

 

Yes, I obviously have more than I "need" :)

 Incidently, the Blueberry Lime Jam from the Ball Blue Book of Preserving is amazing!

What We're Reading Wednesday

Linking up to Jessica via Clan Donaldson.



 So, I have a confession to make:  I'm hooked on my daughter's books.  When LB was in first grade, it was hard to find anything she liked reading and she didn't pick up reading readily.  So, we got books on CD from the library, LOTS of books. 

We went through entire shelves at the library.  We discovered Rick Riordan.  We went through the entire Percy Jackson series.  Then, we discovered the Heroes of Olympus series.  I just read The Son of Neptune this week. 

I love these books, there's plenty of adventure and the characters are really well developed.  I also enjoy that it's something I can share with my daughter.  We've listened to them together in the car, we've read them at night together, they're our favorites :)

This one recounts the adventures of Percy Jackson as he regains his memory after the goddess Hera sets him up for a quest to save the world (with the help of some of his fellow demi-gods).  The intricacies of storylines tied together between books and even between series are fantastic.  If you like Greek (or Roman) mythology and are looking for some great literature to share with your kiddos, check out Rick Riordan!

Wordless Wednesday

It's OK to Not Be OK

This week marks the start of long multiple/week visits for SB's bio dad.  The visits are long, most of the day long.  The first one wasn't so bad.  My brother took LB to the movies and SB was out with her dad, SP took a nap and life was so serene on Sunday afternoon. 

Then, another paper cut.  We were asked to start calling SB by a new name....a totally different name.  The name might as well be, "not mine".  Jaggedly old cut across the heart.  I asked SB if she liked her new name, she smiled and said, "yes", so that's a consolation at least.  Still, it's hard not to take her to Sunday lunch with my parents.  It's hard to learn a new name for the child I have raised from birth to age 2.  It's all just hard.  It's hard for everyone involved and there's really not a way to make it easier, other than not making it harder with unkindness.  So, we're all being as kind as we can to each other and supporting SB through this huge transition. 

Still, last night as I lay in bed, I felt cranky, mad with nothing to pin it on, just out of sorts.  I started thinking about all the changes our family will be seeing in the next few months.  I started thinking about how these last two weeks have been so much less strenuous than I thought they would be.  I thought about how seeing SB with her dad made sense and I saw them fitting together.  I thought about losing my baby.  All these thoughts were clashing inside of me.  I haven't cried about this all in a while, and my emotions have been running pretty evenly.  I attribute ALL of this to the prayers of others.  I am not an even keel kind of gal, so to go through the process of losing a child on an even keel can be attributed to nothing but grace.  Grace is pouring down on us.  As we seek to forgive this broken system that has hurt us all, it's not easy.  I don't have to be happy about it.  And it just hit me last night, as OK as everything has been feeling, it's OK to have those moments and even days where things just aren't OK.  Just because I've been feeling OK doesn't mean I'm not allowed to lose it.

It's not supposed to be easy to lose your baby.  It's not OK, not for any of us.  I don't have to be OK.  I don't have to try to hold on to some facade.  I can just be here, me, slowly giving away a child I thought I might get to keep forever.  Giving her away anew each day when I wake up, until finally, I give her away for good.  I'm giving myself a pass, I don't have to be OK with this.  And with that, maybe I can cut myself some slack in the coming months....try to steer away from making everything a big to-do of LASTs.  She's not dying, she's being born into a new family, slowly and with great pain.

I don't know what our new part of her life looks like, but I know that sweet baby runs towards me and says, "mama".  Whether I spend the rest of my life praying for her, or seeing her in person, our second child will always be SB. 

Simple Saturday - a link up

 

This morning, House Unseen is hosting the Simple Saturday link up. The idea is to share some photos, something you're grateful for, something that caught your eye.  So, without further ado, here are the things I am grateful for and that caught my eye.

SP and I at a recent family reunion

My siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins

Starting book worm status early

Just gorgeous

My happy girl

LB and her cousins (and Aunt D)

I think this sums up our relationship :)

Captain Danger

LB on her last day of "real" school

My sweet girls

Celebrating June 4, 5, 6 birthdays!

Appropriately labeled

With a bow stuck in her three hairs

Vacation Bible School!

Love, Compassion and Disagreement

For a while now, one of the last things I think about, and pray for, before I go to bed is my siblings.

(Pictured here in 2011 at one of my sister's wedding - she's having her second this week!)

We have varying degrees of disagreement about the way the world should work, morality, public policy, you name it.  While this isn't directly about my beautiful siblings, they stretch me and cause me to think about the larger world in general.  I get the feeling that I'm viewed, for the most part, as inflexible and righteous, perhaps to the point of uncaring.  I view myself as somewhat of a bleeding heart, so there's a disparity there.


This has me thinking about the way the Church is viewed in general, and how I'm viewed, specifically as an orthodox follower of a 2,000+ year old tradition.  I profess the teachings of the Catholic Church.  I believe it is the clearest path to salvation.  I believe God is merciful and loving, and just.  I also can't remember the last time God called me to be comfortable in my life.  This was especially clear to me as I sat in church on Father's Day next to SB's bio dad.  I can't remember being in my comfort zone by God's calling.  I know I've placed myself there many a time, but when I really stop and listen, God is always calling me a little further than I am....a constant stretching of my soul like taffy.

The biggest and most uncomfortable place I could be is one where my views cannot be reconciled with those around me and it causes discomfort for them.  As I try to pull back and look from the other side, my views, housed within the beauty of the Church, might seem cold and uncaring about the happiness or feelings of others.  I care so deeply for my fellow human being that I've spent the last two years raising a child I have no claim to.  I care so much for the feelings of others that I'm probably silent when I should speak.  When I do speak, sometimes the words are fumbled, and all too often, pride comes before love.

It is the deepest of conundrums, how can I share the message of God's abundant and unfailing love for the world when my beliefs could be categorized, by some, as bigotry, intolerant, [insert insult here]? What's even harder to surmount are views that I am to be placated as a child who believes in Santa, that somehow my intelligence is limited by a faith that I am not all there is; that this time is not all there is.  As I argued recently, if my faith has created a delusional state that creates in me a kinder, more compassionate human being willing to sacrifice for the future of others, maybe we should all be a little delusional. 

My siblings to me are a sampling of the larger world....that happens when you're one of nine!  There are so many, it creates a tiny sub-culture, complete with a variety of viewpoints.  I worry that the world isn't hearing enough about love.  I also worry that when the world hears the message of love, they accept the affection and turn a blind eye/deaf ear to the message that God has a plan for each of us, in his love.  It is not enough to know that you are loved; get up, reciprocate!  What a loss that so many times I hear others speaking of all the rules and problems of the Catholic Church that they disagree with and it seems they got all of the rules and none of the why.  Here's why:  God loves you.  So completely, so infinitely that he created you to be with him for all time, all eternity.  We were created to know God, to love him, to serve him and to be happy with him in this life and the next.  And it's not the kind of happiness you get from a new pair of shoes or some other worldly treat.....it is a deep, abiding joy and solace.

We were born into this world to be refined for the next.  Not for corporal comfort or fame or fortune.  I remind myself of this when I look around my cramped house and catch my complaints as I think of those who don't have a roof or a meal tonight.  There's a reason the crucifix adorns so many altars; it is the epitome of the sacrifice and deep love that is the message of the Church.  We are invited to follow, we are not coerced.  It is an invitation into love.  I worry this invitation hasn't been presented well, and each time I speak to someone about it, I pray that the Holy Spirit guides my words, to walk that fine balance that is the message of love and the absoluteness of truth and right.  Loving doesn't mean giving everything the other wants, and it's hard for anyone to hear that their heart's desire isn't on the list of things that lead you to greater holiness - still working my way through that one on SB.

So this is why I think of my siblings and pray for them each night.  I pray the invitation lands on each of us with a receptive heart.  I pray the world hears this message and I pray for our pope, as he leads so many back to the faith in his gentle, but firm way.  I know we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, but my earthly siblings are some of the most dear to me.  It's true what they say, the best gift you can give your child is another sibling and I'm blessed to have received that gift so many times, even when we disagree, even when it's hard to find a common ground, there is love.  A great sadness weighs on my heart when we are in discord, and when my faith places us there, I feel even more sorrow....because I have no ground to give as I stand on the eye of the needle I need to pass through. 

Thank you God for my family, for my siblings, my parents, my husband, my children.  Thank you for the gift of my siblings to challenge me, laugh with me, comfort me and support me.  Thank you for a family who has a love bigger than disagreements, as I know this is an uncommon phenomenon in the world.  As I look forward to an upcoming reunion this weekend, I am filled with joy and expectation, and I thank God that I have a family that can elicit such emotions just at the thought of seeing them :)