As we search, a little part of my heart grieves.
You see, moving on to better things means parting with what we have here and now.
It means washing away the crayon marks from the wall - the last tangible marks that Sweet Baby lived here - that she touched this space as much as she touched our hearts.
It means leaving behind the home where I brought my babies home for the first time. One of those babies is no longer with me, and it's like losing her again to lose the place she crawled, walked, and laughed for the first time.
LB said to me last week, "I just realized we're going to leave my childhood home. The next one will be the one Sweet Pea thinks of that way, but this one is mine."
Yes. We need more space. Yes. The new home will bring so many moments of happy life. Maybe there will be new babies. Definitely there will be new milestones.
Still, a part of my heart grieves with every trace of our family I erase from this space. With every box I pack, and nail hole I fill. Every old crayon mark I erase, it stings a little.
So many times in life, we have to say goodbye to something we love to grow.
Leaving a home with parents and siblings to join our spouse in a new life. Leaving behind an old home to grow into a new one. Leaving our earthly bodies to embrace eternity.
Every growing pain hurts. So, I'll cry sometimes while I pack. Not because I don't want to go, but because parting is such sweet sorrow.
I cried real tears when we left our first married rental. (Where we also brought C home.) I can only imagine what leaving this house feels like. The last thing we did was say a prayer in the house, thanking God for a place to call home with so many memories. Then the firs thing we did after getting the keys was say a prayer to bring God into our new home. It didn't stop the bittersweet but it did calm my soul a bit.
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