Family Vacation 2012!

I went on vacation with my family.....and by "family", I mean my husband, all three of our girls, my parents, all of my siblings, all of their spouses, all my nieces and nephews and even my sister's boyfriend.....just a small family gathering of 27!

My paternal grandfather was originally from Northern Michigan.  When his family immigrated, that's where they landed, up near Traverse City, MI.  I have a couple relatives still in the area, including my grandmother, but for the most part, the family has spread near and far across the country.  We decided to gather together for a week over the 4th of July this summer.  The vacation was many months in the planning (we were talking about it before we knew we were expecting our latest arrival) and entailed two large houses that we rented close to each other.  The family also stayed in a couple rooms at a local hotel....did I mention there were 27 of us?!? :)

The week was amazing.  We accomplished about half of what we thought we could in terms of sightseeing and adventures, but got in lots of family time with each other.  We also celebrated LB's 7th birthday.  She shared a bunkhouse with 5 of her cousins and had a very memorable birthday.  It'll be hard to top it next year with cousins singing to her when she woke up, tubing on the lake and many many amazing family moments.

Although we wanted to go to some places and see some sights, my very favorite part was the nightly campfire.  Sitting around with all of my siblings and their spouses, unwinding with s'mores and a beer was exactly my kind of vacation.  The other stuff was definitely fun, but just being around each other and talking was perhaps the most memorable/best part of my vacation.

Eight brothers and sisters and all I wanted to do was hang out with them - that's a pretty amazing feat my parents accomplished to raise the kind of people who can not only get along with each other in close quarters for a week, but who genuinely wanted to be around each other.  Big families are hard work.  My mom and dad have worked for 36 years on getting us through all the phases of childhood and are still in the process of ushering the last few through the high school/college years.  We can all, I'm sure remember stories about some injustice (real or imagined) with our parents from childhood, but we've all had a really solid gift in our parents and each other.  It's a hard thing to have a big family.  Sleepless nights are multiplied, expenses are multiplied, it makes other people uncomfortable, it's too expensive and inconvenient to eat out....the list could go on.  But looking around the campfire at night made me realize how blessed we are to have parents who were willing to take on such a task. 

It's been hard with two babies over the last six weeks.  One of them is generally upset at all times, I just try to make sure it's not the same one each time!  I'm pretty good at balancing the needs of all three girls, but it is really a constant running schedule of who needs what, how I can structure meeting the needs most efficiently and maybe even figuring out how to eat and go to the bathroom myself occasionally.  But for as hard as it's been, I still look at the girls and think how blessed I am.  When our newest one was crying while we were laying down together a few days ago, I had the thought that I was so lucky to be able to have a crying baby.  I thought about all the years of trying, the hormones, the injections, the constant testing at the end of pregnancy.....all of it culminated in this absolute miracle and as demanding as she is, that doesn't diminish the awesomeness of the gift. 

Now, when I'm not waxing poetical about the gift of a screaming baby, I'm generally feeling overwhelmed and sleep deprived.  Answered prayers don't automatically make us a better person, but I'm working on it!  I had a thought a Mass yesterday.  What if the only prayers I said after the Eucharist were prayers of gratitude?  What if instead of asking for more blessings, I just sat in gratitude and thanked God for all of the things we have?  Instead of asking God to help us find the means for a larger house, what if I just thanked God for a house overflowing with children?  Instead of asking to sleep, thanking God for a healthy baby who wakes me in the night.....you get the point.  So, I sat there and just thanked God for his abundance in our lives.  Didn't ask to add anything to the list, just said thank you for everything He's already given us.

I've been pretty space-challenged since we brought our third daughter home.  My husband and I aren't sure what we're going to do, whether remodel or move, but whatever we do, it's not going to be feasible to do anything for at least several months, more realistically after the end of this school year, so about 9 months.  This has been weighing on me and causing some discontent, which I think is what prompted my guardian angel to urge the prayers of gratitude after Communion.  As I sat there being thankful, I started to think about extending that prayer.  What if for a month, I asked God for nothing, just thanked him for what I have?  No more obsessing about the size of my kitchen and the girls' bedroom......could I do it?  Could I stop asking for more and just be content and grateful?  We shall see, my inner challenge this month will be to live in a spirit of gratitude and contentment....not resignation with our house, contentment with our home.  I'm hoping this challenge will encourage me to carry the attitude of gratitude past the month mark, but I'm sharing with all of you to help keep me accountable, no whining or begging, just happy gratitude.

And with a grateful heart, I share my wonderful vacation pics with you :)

Snoozing on the beach

Testing the waters....BRR!

My dad relaxing

Checking out the fallen limb

Snorkeling

I'm not splashing!

Ready for the sun

Watching the boats go by

Good morning!

This is why my sister says she's the "meme baby"

Presents from great-grandma

A gift from great-aunt

Dishes!

Legos!

Birthday cakes

The loot!

Not sure what conversation is going on here!

Nail painting

Late night fishing

The birthday girl

Ready for tubing!

Fishing the tubers out of the current

The adventurers

Some fishing

Ready!

An intense father/son match

Pretty sure no one has ever given him a plastic knife before, he loved it!

Swingset at the cabin

Part of the coyote pack

Too hot for clothes

Future surgeon at work

Sisters!

Grandkids

The boys

The whole gang

The entire bin is full of cherry pits

Lego Carnival

Mini golf

The pirate is captured!

Zip-lining!

Hospital Candids

Hubby took quite a few pics of our littlest arrival - here a few of the candids from our stay :)

Back after Baby!

Introducing Baby #3!

Finally!  She's here! 

June 6, 2012 7:49pm 6lbs 3.6oz, 17.5"

At 41 weeks, the doctor decided to try an induction to avoid another c-section.  So, at 7am, my husband and I went in to the hospital and started the process. 

I have terrible veins....they just don't take IVs well at all.  It's almost like my veins weren't MADE to have sharp objects stabbed into them.....

Anyway, before they started my IV, my doctor came in to say good morning before she started her surgeries and appointments for the day.  My husband reminded her that I have difficult veins, and she went in search of the best nurse to put in the line.  She came back with the nurse who was already assigned to our room.  Nice to know we already had the best nurse!  She put the line in on the first try, a first for me with an IV.  I had never had a line put in with fewer than 4 sticks before, so I was feeling pretty good as we started the day.

I'll fast forward through most of the labor, saying only that Pitocin is really not fun!  My levels were increased every 30 minutes and by lunchtime, I was in active labor and definitely feeling it.  Soon the epidural came (which I wasn't really sure I wanted to do when I started, but would have happily shoved in my own spine by the time it got there!).  It made me a little too numb down my right side and not really numb enough on my left side.  I also had the same problems with shock that I had with my spinal block when I had LB, but even a little relief was welcome. 

After 12 hours of constant contracting and increasing levels of drugs, it was time to welcome the little one into the world.  After some minutes of pushing (my husband and I have differing views on how long....he thinks it was about 10 minutes, I thought it was about a year), we welcomed a healthy little girl into the world that evening.  And I do mean little....at one week overdue, she was just over the 6lb mark! 

She was really no worse for the extra cooking time, aside from a little merconium in the fluid.  She scored a 9 and a 10 on the Apgar, so we were relieved that she hadn't suffered any ill effects with her long cooking time and all the concerns from low progesterone in the beginning of pregnancy to concerns that her growth was off at the end. 

It took me about an hour to stop shaking and pull it together after baby was born and then a few family members stopped by to see her before bedtime. 

She was born on a Wednesday and Friday afternoon we were on our way home.  Hubby went back to work Monday and I was out and about picking up LB from camp Monday afternoon. 

Being able to be active after having the baby has been such a blessing.  I feel a little more back to normal and stronger every day.  With a couple noticeable exceptions, baby is sleeping well at night and I've been appreciating that after two girls who didn't sleep for the better part of a year!

I'm doing pretty well with 2 little ones under a year, but having my mom friends dropping off meals has really been a lifesaver! 

More pictures to follow - SB is making noises like naptime is over!

In the Garden....

I'm impatient.  I also have a tendency to complain.  A lot.  This adds up as the perfect storm for some real whining when the baby you've tried for and have been waiting on for nearly six years stays in past her due date.  I mean really, that extra five years of trying wasn't enough of a wait? But seriously, I've been thinking about my tendency to whine and how this could be a really miserable time right now.  I will probably not be able to hold back all sarcastic, "you better get out of there baby" comments, but I am working to be a pleasant person this week as we wait on the LONG-awaited daughter. 

The first conscious effort is trying to offer up this anxious waiting for all of those I know in need of prayer - for the woman fighting inoperable cancer, the family navigating the mental illness of a child, the friend with a very risky pregnancy, the couple desperately longing for a child.....for all of these people I can offer up my small amount of suffering. 

Reflecting on how to offer up my waiting for others, it got me thinking about lots of examples of people who have had harder waits than mine.  Maybe the most universally known is Jesus in the Garden.  When I feel the temptation towards self-pity, I think about the vigil of Jesus....so desperate as to sweat blood and all alone as those he trusted the most and was closest to fell asleep around him.  How blessed I am that I don't wait alone.  While I might be the only one going through the labor part, so many stand beside me physically, spiritually and emotionally as I await this baby. 

At 36 weeks, we started having some concerns about baby's growth.  A couple weeks later, the fluid levels had dropped around baby and she still wasn't growing very fast.  I reached out to my friends and family for prayer.  Over the next couple of days, I physically felt the grace of those around me praying for us.  I felt peace and surety in the midst of such uncertainty. 

Last week, I had an ultrasound that showed fluid levels had stabilized and increased slightly, baby was growing well and the pregnancy could progress without an emergency c-section.  This Wednesday marked 40 weeks.  I feel her grow stronger and more responsive by the day.  While I'm anxious to have her out, I realize the blessing that she was able to stay in and grow thus far.

Next Wednesday, we will try an induction.  The doctor isn't going to force baby to be born, just going to give me low levels of hormone to try to get the party started.  If it doesn't work, I'll go home, get some rest and try again in a few days.  Of course, I hope that baby comes before we're on to synthetic starts, but I'm making my peace with the extra wait and hoping that the induction is successful the first time, should it go that far.

In addition to offering up my wait (when I'm able to stop feeling sorry for myself!), I'm making an active effort to soak up some time with my two girls that are at home right now.  Lots of extra snuggles with SB and even a park day with LB.  I used my new Mother's Day/birthday camera to take a few pictures.  I can share the ones of LB, so here you go =D

I'll keep you posted and look forward to posting baby pics very soon!  Prayers always welcome!

Holding my Breath...

This pregnancy has flown by for the most part.  With the notable exceptions of waiting for my first ultrasound to confirm baby was not ectopic and that really long month of shots (thank heavens it wasn't longer!), the time has shot past me at lightning speed.

I just passed the 38 week mark last Wednesday.  At the 36 week mark, I had an ultrasound that confirmed baby girl is indeed in the correct head-down position.  This rejoicing lasted until the doctor's appointment where I found out baby is not thriving at the expected rate.  The concern is IUGR, or intrauterine growth retardation.  The little peanut was weighing about 5 1/2 lbs and was measuring 34.3 weeks at the 36 week mark. 

All of this led to the start of non-stress tests twice a week.  These tests are performed at labor and delivery and have taken anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours, depending on the reactivity of baby.  As I try to look for the bright lining within the worry about baby's health, I've been thinking about what the non-stress tests have given me:

• A knowledge of what the contraction I'm feeling looks like on the monitor to help me gauge intensity (most of my contractions are very mild at this point, but never having been in labor before, it's been nice to be able to match up the feeling with what's actually happening so I'll know when it's the real deal)
• A private tour of the labor and delivery rooms - complete with a nurse talking me through what I can expect in terms of mobility and monitoring as a VBAC
• A familiarity with the nursing staff (and the cleaning lady - she now asks me how I'm doing every time I come in)
• A measure of comfort and familiarity with the hospital surroundings where I'll be when baby girl arrives

These things have been so nice to have.  Bringing a baby into the world is scary, nerve-wracking and unsettling enough, so having some comfort with where I'll be doing it and who will be there has been nice.  Knowing that I won't be able to get off the monitor to take a hot shower or a walk ahead of time helps me to set my expectations accordingly for when I get there, rather than be scared, uncomfortable and disappointed all at once.

I've also discovered from watching the monitors while I'm on my non-stress test that I can increase the effectiveness of a contraction by breathing through it....even those little ones seem to do a little more when I practiced my deep and relaxed breathing through them.  A definite confidence builder.

This past week at the 38 week mark, I had another ultrasound to check baby's growth.  They also checked the amniotic fluid levels.  Baby girl gained just a few ounces in two weeks and slipped behind in expected growth by another week, now measuring 35.4 weeks at the 38 week mark.  While the doctor said that baby's weight gain wasn't much, it was a weight gain, therefore, I could keep on keeping on if I was comfortable with it.  However, there is some concern now over my fluid levels as well.  I've dropped from having "great" levels to borderline low....as in I've got about another centimeter of fluid I can lose before they start to really worry....and if I lose 3 cm, I'm not leaving the hospital without delivering.

While I'm excited to meet our little girl SOON, the downside of having to deliver right away if my fluid levels drop is that it would most likely be a c-section.  After months of hoping and praying that I'd be able to have a traditional delivery following Little Bean's c-section nearly 7 years ago, we were told at the 36 week mark that we could.  Well, the complications that have arisen since then may change all that.  If I don't start labor on my own, it would be too much stress on mom and baby to induce.  So, if she needs out after the ultrasound next Wednesday and I haven't started dilating, I'm going to be sawed in half yet again.

I realize it's not the worst thing in the world to have a c-section (although I did have two pretty significant crying jags after doctor informed me that was a real likelihood), but I'd spent the last couple weeks so happy that I wouldn't have a c-section that it really took the wind out of my sails to think otherwise.  I also worry about the increasing risks with additional pregnancies of repeated c-sections (I am an optimist in some senses I guess since I'm worrying about more babies after it took 5 years to get to this pregnancy!).

The doctor offered to put me on the schedule for a c-section this week.  In fact, if I'd been insistent, I might be in the hospital right now with my newborn.  She said based on my decreasing fluid levels and baby's minimal growth, if I felt uncomfortable waiting to see how things go, she would support either decision.  Because she felt baby was safe for now, I opted to wait it out.  If I didn't, I would always wonder if I could have.  Should baby not look good enough to keep cooking on Wednesday and I have to stay for a c-section, I'll probably be a little frustrated that I didn't just go ahead and do it this week, but I'm praying and trusting that letting her grow a little more and keeping a close eye on her will keep her safe for now.  Either inside or out, she's in God's hands.

But for now, it feels a little like I've been holding my breath for 2 weeks waiting for her safe arrival.

I feel the prayers of those around me as a physical presence.  Without the grace that has filled this last week, I can't imagine what a wreck I would be.  If ever prayers could send a woman into labor, I'm confident if I'm able to have this baby naturally, it will be by the grace of God and the prayers of so many around me who love this baby and my family so much.

I will take your prayer intentions with me, through the anxiety of these last few weeks or days and into the operating room or the delivery room, wherever God has planned for this little one to join us.

Until then, every twinge and contraction will make me hold my breath....just for a little while until I remember to breathe through it and wait on God's faithfulness.

Growing Baby

Life has continued at the frenetic pace for much of this month.  Today marks the 37 week mark for my pregnancy - otherwise known as full-term. 

Since Little Bean was frank breech (not coming out, no way, no how), I had an ultrasound at 36 weeks to confirm this little one's positioning.  The ultrasound confirmed that she was indeed head down and ready for action, but it also showed that she was measuring about a week and a half behind, with an especially small stomach. 

As a result of the developmental delay, I've started having non-stress tests twice a week.  My husband has not tired of telling me not to "stress" during my test every time I mention them.  I think it's a sign of the grace from all the people praying for the baby and I that I haven't shown him the true lack of humor I find in that comment.....yet.

The non-stress tests have looked good so far.  My next one is scheduled for this Friday, with an ultrasound and a non-stress test on Tuesday.  Wednesday I'll go back to the doctor for her to interpret the results.  As she put it at today's appointment, "I don't want to induce you for a VBAC, but I will if I have to".  It is my ardent prayer that baby makes a move before an induction becomes necessary.

Last Friday, I sent a prayer request out to my homeschool community asking for prayers for baby and the hope to avoid an induction.  Today the doctor said I seem to be measuring larger and I've been having an increase in "warm-up exercises" in the form of contractions since Saturday afternoon.  I'd say the prayers are in effect.  Please keep the prayers coming.  I believe in miracles....and this pregnancy has exhibited quite a few :)

And now, a few pictures from last month....because it seems I am perpetually behind!

SB's Easter basket

LB happy with a bunny

Cinnamon Roll Pancakes Easter morning

An early morning hunt at our house

Searching for eggs at Grandma's

With her prize

LB and me

The fam

"Tombs"

Both girls' baskets

LB's basket

In other important news, LB is graduating to the big gym in gymnastics.  For the last two years, she's been in the beginner's gym, but she is moving on up this summer!  Monday will mark her last day in the little gym.  She is VERY excited and we're looking forward to more heart-stopping tricks being learned next year :)

Practicing on the uneven bars

I am also looking forward to Mother's Day this weekend....and my younger brother's graduation from college.  It's going to be an exciting weekend!  Not the least of which is me REALLY hoping I'm getting the new camera I asked for as a combined Mother's Day/birthday present :)