Monday, May 23, 2011

Waiting on Providence

If you've been following along - you heard my husband was laid off on April 28th. The last few weeks have been a flurry of activity and many outcries of frustration and prayer. It's amazing the number of people who have shared their similar struggles with unemployment. Yet again, I think perhaps God is calling me to deeper compassion. I had been so oblivious to this all-too-common struggle. I had been comfortable and smug in my little stay-at-home bubble. Grateful for the chance to stay home, but with no real appreciation for the difficulty so many mothers face in walking out the door everyday without their children in order to provide for them.

I've always been under the impression that if you're willing to sacrifice, living on one income is possible. I never really considered what happens when that income dries up.

Now I find myself at a crossroads. A couple hours ago, I completed my first application for full-time employment in a decade. My nearly 6 y/o hates the thought of me returning to work. I'm not entirely sure what my feelings would be if I got this job either. Returning to full-time employment would mean a sugnificant lifestyle change from volunteering, homeschooling, stay at home mom to business professional.

At the same time, my husband is actively seeking employment and I reuse that God will provide. I just don't know if God is calling me to provide. My prayer remains, "God help me to be obedient to Your will". This time is becoming not only a lesson in compassion, but a lesson in full surrender. The job I appliedfor would be a good fit for me, Little Bean could survive 1st grade in a private school, despite her misgivings and blessings would be found in following God's plan. The difficulty lies in knowing the will of God. Should you spare a prayer for us this week, discernment would be appreciated!

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