The response to my last post was overwhelming....so, so lovely.
Sharing that darkness weighed so heavily on my heart. As I sat in the silence of it, I felt pushed to speak, pushed to break the silence surrounding me.
It was hard to speak of the dark. To name it. To own it.
I didn't know others were sitting in Mass, deadened to the feelings of grace around them. I didn't know others were leaning on the motions to carry them through the darkness.
I thought I was sitting in the dark room alone.
When I spoke, the weight of it shifted, a burden shared. Messages sent my way, speaking encouragement, solidarity, experience.
It gave me strength to be still in the dark and trust the motions a little while longer.
You friends, were the first of pinpricks. The first light showing what has been developed in me.
Another pinprick came in a most unexpected way. A religious sister was speaking on the role of women. She looked up from her notes and said, "We are first God's daughters."
In that moment, she radiated. Her whole being was transformed with joy, and there I sat a witness.
I felt something shift in my soul at the witness of her joy. It wasn't her words, it was the transfiguration of her being as she spoke them.
These days, I move through foggy grays and twilight skies...not quite the black of night. And as I walk, there I see the stars. The little points of light, shining with all the truth and goodness and beauty I cannot quite yet reach.
Perhaps one day, hope will flood my soul again. For now, I am grateful for you, and for small moments of light.