If you've been following along, you know my husband was laid off in April. In July, my husband accepted a promising position at a local company. Unfortunately, the position has turned into part-time as often as it is full-time....meaning life has become even more tricky on one income.
Every time we face a financial hardship or blessing, I pray and offer up our finances to God, the author of all good things and the keeper of all promises. When my husband was first laid off, a verse from Jeremiah was sent to me by two friends: "For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord, "Plans to prosper you, not harm you, to give you hope and a future." These words have been a lifeline for me during this time. The frustration I feel with myself perpetually is the desire to take up the worries of our finances after giving them over to God. I find myself continually stepping back up to take the reins. The continual struggle with this has been truly evident these last four months.
God has been so faithful in taking care of our family, and yet, the worry sneaks back in.....what if? what if? what if?
I also struggle with knowing my role in our family during this time. Am I called to be the homeschooling stay-at-home mother with the occasional instructional design project thrown in to help finances, or am I called to step outside of this safe and comfortable haven and be a helpmate to my husband and find a job that can see us through until he has landed in a stable job?
Short of getting a direct line from God with the answer to this question, I'm working at it with prayerful action. I have applied for two positions. One of them would be enough to support our family in full and would be based on the school year with summers off. When I take the step out to apply for jobs, I pray that God guide me to the place He wants. The words usually run something like, "God, you know my heart is in my home, but if you truly want me elsewhere, make it clear." Last time I said this prayer in late May, I was pleased to NOT be offered a position. Now, I wait again on God's will........sometimes I think I must be a super slow learner on resting totally in God's will.......He sure gives me lessons repeatedly and I still seem to fall short.
Friends, if you would, please keep our family in your prayers. Pray that God make the path known to us so that we may serve Him where He wants us....and pray that we remain restful in Him during this time, knowing we are striving to remain obediently where He wants us. My husband is also pursuing some other job leads and I would appreciate it if you would join your prayers with mine that he may soon find a stable job that allows him to sustain our one-income lifestyle.
Know that I will be offering up the anxiety that clings to me up for your prayer intentions.