Bucking up....

Wednesday I was officially 8 weeks pregnant.  I'm two weeks into my shots, and I have to admit, it's getting REALLY old.  It's hard to keep getting these shots that push me to the brink of blacking out and then end with dry-heaving.  Still, according to the doctor, in two weeks, the shots will be behind me and it'll be smooth(er) sailing. 

The problem I'm having is that it actually is a problem.  I HATE the shots and this makes me feel like a big whiney baby.  I have wanted another child and have been through so much to this point that I would've thought I'd be singing my way to the shots....not so....hence the guilt. 

This all brings me back to a truth I've known and forgotten a number of times.....you can see a blessing in every cross or a cross in every blessing.  So, it's time to stop whining (most of it has been in my head, but still) and buck up.  I offer my shots up for all those who are trying to conceive....this makes it a little more bearable and hopefully sends palpable grace to those who have been struggling with low fertility. 

So, this week, I'm going to focus on being grateful for shots that will make this baby strong and healthy.  I will visualize this baby growing and thriving with every shot I get.  This is my shot (haha) at having another child and I will consciously practice gratitude.  God didn't promise easy times....He promised to be there in the rough times. 

We are starting to celebrate in our house.  This last weekend, we went to dinner to celebrate the advent of a new addition. 

7 weeks pregnat

Out to dinner

A fancy drink

Our silly dog

In other good news, my husband received a job offer yesterday.  He will be starting his first sales position November 1st.  After the first few months, it becomes entirely commission-based, so we shall see.....just one more step along this crazy path of life.

Rice-a-Roni's First Ultrasound

As you've probably heard - we're having a baby!!!  Because of some previous health complications, we were blessed to get an early peek at our baby.

Before the ultrasound, Little Bean had no idea that we were expecting.  My husband and I took her with us to the ultrasound.

When the ultrasound technician began the process, LB asked if she was going to check to see if there were any babies inside.  I told her, yes, that's what we were doing.

Once the tech pulled up the image of the baby and we confirmed that the baby was in the right place, LB was ecstatic!  "There's a baby and it's in the right place!!!"  As the video continued, she went to the chair in the room and sat down with the proclamation, "I'm going to pray for the baby".  It was one of those sweet, heart-warming moments that are the reason I'm blogging to document this crazy life of ours.

The tech was also nice enough to let LB get really close to the computer monitor to see the baby up close.

After the appointment, I let LB call my parents to tell them the news, here's what her end of the conversation sounded like:

"Grandma! There's a baby in mommy's tummy and IT'S IN THE RIGHT PLACE!  I'm so happy I want to jump for joy and shout from the rooftops!"

It was a very memorable family day :)

LB Field Trip

September was not my month for blogging!  It's October now, and I'm going to get back on track with my entries. 

I have been meaning to share some pics my husband took on his iPod, and I've finally gotten the connector cables, wrangled his iPod from him and started downloading the pics.

Last week was a crazy week at our house.  I am an instructional designer and I usually work from home for a consulting company that my dad is a partner in.  Last week, I had the opportunity to be on site with a client as part of a pilot program training.  It was fun, exciting and definitely a change of pace from our usual family dynamics with me gone 10 hours a day. 

Two things I learned:  I enjoy working with clients; I enjoy being home too.  Seems like my arrangement of spending most days home with the kiddos and the occasional on-site is about right for our lives right now.

While I was working, my husband took LB on a field trip he enjoyed far more than I would have - a grist mill and fish hatchery (he actually sells baby fish from our fish tank - so it was right up his alley!)

Bean Posing & an Epiphany

I have pictures taken of LB every year.  Last year, I took the pictures:

This year, I went to a different park and took more photos:

I took this year's photos with a different camera, my old one broke, and I didn't like the quality as much as last year.  So, I've borrowed my dad's fancy camera and will be taking more pictures this week or next. 

I like to take pictures....as may be clear from the volume on this blog :)  When I grow up, a photographer is one of the things I'd like to be.

Things are going well with Sweet Baby.  It feels like being a new parent all over again.  LB was breastfed without pacifiers or bottles (not because I found this virtuous, but because I could NOT get her to take either).  SB is formula-fed and takes a pacifier.  It's a totally different kind of parenting....aside from the fact that we have no idea how long she'll be with us.

It feels like she's always been a part of our family and it still feels unreal that there's a baby in the next room, it's quite a dichotomy.  We will enjoy her for as long as she's here :)

My husband's work situation still isn't what we had hoped for.  We're in a state of limbo, waiting to see where our family will be led.  It's been a long 4 months of unemployment/underemployment.  The blessing has been that I have been able to do more consulting from home during this time to help fill in the gaps.  I've applied for a few jobs and continue to not be interviewed....with a master's degree and five years of consulting experience, I'm taking it that it's God's will that I be home right now.  Going back to work would require a huge lifestyle change for our family.

Last week I had an epiphany.  I was anxious about my husband's work and finding some security after 4 months of insecurity and I was watching a story about a military family; reality check!  It's true that our own crosses are nothing compared to the crosses of others.....my family has health and home......next time I think about complaining, I'm going to offer it up for all the families who are truly suffering right now - whether it's the family that just lost a  father overseas or the family that recently lost a 7 y/o daughter in our homeschool community - my cross is a splinter and I will pray for all of you carrying around true timber.

Jumping Bean Gymnastics

Little Bean started gymnastics about a year ago.  She took one summer session this year and at the end of summer sessions, they do a little performance.  The theme was Circus and she was very excited to receive a t-shirt and ribbons/awards.

Weekend Trip

A couple weekends ago, we made a weekend trip.  With a newborn for the first time in 6 years, packing was quite the undertaking.  Sweet Baby proved herself to be a champion road-tripper on the 3 hour ride.

Dinner on the move

I've taken everyone else's picture....

LB making friends with Deacon the dog

Snuggling with her new buddy

The grown-up boy's toy store

Musicians at the family party

Posing after the party

"Look at me Mom!"

Helping give Deacon a bath

Deacon, the ghost dog :)

Posing after tacos

My sweet girl

Eating snack crackers on the way home

We went on the trip to celebrate my husband's family birthdays this summer.  We stayed with my friend and had a great time.  It was the first time in weeks that our lack of sleep was from staying up and goofing around rather than Sweet Baby's late night feedings. 

We had such a good time, we were already talking about "next time" before we left.  Hoping to get back to see my friend again this fall.  My husband REALLY wants to make the trip's main activity a medieval dinner-joust outing, where you watch medieval entertainment during dinner. 

Still praying and trying to trust in God's plan for the finances of our family.  My nine months of hormone therapy did not result in a pregnancy, so we are waiting on God's will in more than one area.  I did smile at His ultimate sense of humor in bringing home Sweet Baby after 9 months of hormones to try to have a baby :)  SB's plan right now is to return home.  If that doesn't work out, the goal would change to adoption.  For right now, we're focusing on getting her big and strong and letting God handle how long she'll be a part of our family.

"Work"ing It Out

If you've been following along, you know my husband was laid off in April.  In July, my husband accepted a promising position at a local company.  Unfortunately, the position has turned into part-time as often as it is full-time....meaning life has become even more tricky on one income.

Every time we face a financial hardship or blessing, I pray and offer up our finances to God, the author of all good things and the keeper of all promises.  When my husband was first laid off, a verse from Jeremiah was sent to me by two friends: "For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord, "Plans to prosper you, not harm you, to give you hope and a future."  These words have been a lifeline for me during this time.  The frustration I feel with myself perpetually is the desire to take up the worries of our finances after giving them over to God.  I find myself continually stepping back up to take the reins.  The continual struggle with this has been truly evident these last four months. 

God has been so faithful in taking care of our family, and yet, the worry sneaks back in.....what if?  what if?  what if?

I also struggle with knowing my role in our family during this time.  Am I called to be the homeschooling stay-at-home mother with the occasional instructional design project thrown in to help finances, or am I called to step outside of this safe and comfortable haven and be a helpmate to my husband and find a job that can see us through until he has landed in a stable job? 

Short of getting a direct line from God with the answer to this question, I'm working at it with prayerful action.  I have applied for two positions.  One of them would be enough to support our family in full and would be based on the school year with summers off.  When I take the step out to apply for jobs, I pray that God guide me to the place He wants.  The words usually run something like, "God, you know my heart is in my home, but if you truly want me elsewhere, make it clear."  Last time I said this prayer in late May, I was pleased to NOT be offered a position.  Now, I wait again on God's will........sometimes I think I must be a super slow learner on resting totally in God's will.......He sure gives me lessons repeatedly and I still seem to fall short.

Friends, if you would, please keep our family in your prayers.  Pray that God make the path known to us so that we may serve Him where He wants us....and pray that we remain restful in Him during this time, knowing we are striving to remain obediently where He wants us.  My husband is also pursuing some other job leads and I would appreciate it if you would join your prayers with mine that he may soon find a stable job that allows him to sustain our one-income lifestyle.

Know that I will be offering up the anxiety that clings to me up for your prayer intentions.